The Final Decision

Hey everyone

This post is a little difficult for me and writing it isn't easy but it needs to be done! We must confront the truth when it is presented and behave accordingly.

I'm going to touch on a few things in this post and it may be a bit long but bear with me!

If you feel like you've read this before, it's probably because you have! This was written originally on my personal blog but to save time and mental stability, I've decided to carry it over and edit things here or there to keep you guys in the know.

I've been writing a lot about my dreams and aspirations; mostly for my own personal sanity but also to help inspire other people to dream bigger. There's one thing that I want to be in this world and that's an inspiration. 

Incredibly, I've gotten story after story from people who have read my blog and caused them to look at the world as an option. This blows me away and I'm honoured that people are reading my words and  are being inspired. I love that some people are seeing that America, while great in its own way and full of opportunity, is not everything. There is a whole world to explore and experience, you just have to refuse to sell yourself short, take the first step and leap. 

However, there is a flipside to everything. There is the success story, the one they write about in books,  and then there is the short end of the stick. I seem to be the poster child for the latter; being the example for the reality of pursuing dreams and aspirations.

With that being said, due to extreme financial difficulty and roadblocks, I will neither be moving to England nor attending Kingston University in the fall. 

Although I've been preparing my heart for this kind of outcome, there aren't many words to describe how completely gutted I am about all this. It's one thing to have never been accepted to university, it's a completely separate matter entirely being accepted to university and being unable to attend. It's no secret that I have an immense desire to attend university and pursue further education so this blow is a very painful one. I'm not closing the door for God to do something ridiculously insane but the current situation is pretty bleak and hurts like a motherfather.

Despite this outcome, I am looking to the positives. This opens my future to something completely different. Like I was telling someone the other day, I can always move to England, it's just a matter of when. I'm young. I have my whole life ahead of me to grow. This is only a minor setback. I said it before I opened what would be my acceptance email, even if this doesn't happen, moving to Europe is still on the table. I'm not giving up; just exploring another avenue. 

Now becomes the question: what next?? I'll be in America a bit longer so I guess I will have to make the best of it. ;)

I'm not sure what the next step looks like but rest assured that I won't be kept down by this setback. Life is too short to wallow in what has passed (or will pass), so I will be considering other options for the fall. 

As for school, I don't really know what that looks like now. As a Christian, I believe that everything a reason and a purpose. Now, I'm not saying that I understand the purpose in everything, I just choose to believe there is purpose. But honestly, I'm not sure if this is God's way of telling me to get an education here in America or not but if He wants me to go to school, He will have to point me in the right direction. I'm at my wits end with this whole thing. The pursuit of higher education should never be this difficult, in my opinion. The roadblocks I have encountered are immense and ridiculous. It's no wonder people are daunted by the idea of pursuing uni.

I would be content studying in America though. My only issue is my utter distaste for the American school system and my desire to not want to study in America. Haha! But if God wants me to go to school here in America, I hope a large portion of patience will be attached to the package...next to a big, fat check...I'm kidding!

Okay, okay I was kidding a little...but you laughed, I know you did.

I will still continue to write (of course), I'll still be working on my style blog and providing excellent life commentary on Twitter & Instagram. Rest assured, I'm not going to let this get me down. :) 

Anyway, thank you guys for your stories, your support and your company in my journey. It is greatly appreciated and I love you all for it. I'm not sure what this means for The Modern Wardrobe, being that I'm still one of the international bloggers for UCAS, but I hope you continue to be in my corner in the future and follow along with me even if it's not here.

In two weeks I'll be 22 and for the first time in a few years, I'm looking forward to seeing what is next for me. Sure I won't be making living arrangements for Kingston but that's still cool...yeah...:ahem:....lol 

Feel free to continue leaving your comments and stories! I will check back here and respond to you guys and help wherever I can. If I find some resources for those still in the uni process, I'll be sure to keep you in the know!

Thanks again for everything! :) 

Steven 

Overcoming Stress Starving!

Hello friends, happy Monday!

It's no secret that the university process is stressful as ever. 

You have finance things, housing, tying up loose ends, exams and revisions, finances...

SUPER STRESSFUL. 

I'm not sure if you're like me but when I'm stressed, I don't eat! I know of a lot of people that stress eat and stuff their faces with all the foods. However, I'm just not like that. When I'm stressed out, the thought of consuming food is borderline sickening. 

Speaking of being sick, not eating is a bad things. It's very unhealthy. Sure you're not gaining weight but you're also not getting nutrients; fuel for your body! (I'm talking to myself here too, people)

Without further ado, I present Sorted Food! 

These YouTube guys are based in the UK and have excellent recipes. 

Not a good cook? No worries! Half of these guys started out not knowing a thing about cooking and are learning along the way through the videos from Ben (the dude in black). 

Their recipes are easy to understand, affordable and, most importantly, tasty. Perfect for the uni student, stress eater or stress starver!

Make sure you give them a look-see and subscribe to their YouTube channel, sortedfood, and their website. 

Happy eating! I'm going to go finish some pie... 

Steven.

Solo

Happy Thursday!

The past couple weeks have been full of a lot of internal reflection. A week or so two of my friends and their three girls boarded a plane and moved to Uganda, Africa to bring home to their daughter, Chloe

Insane but remarkable. 

Their first stop was in London and I couldn't help but think about my own inevitable move in 5 months to Kingston. Then my brain began going through how they must be feeling and how determined in their hearts they would have to be just to get on the plane. Never mind the fact that they paid for everything and this has been in the works for months. It must have taken everything within them to board that plane, leaving what was comfortable and known behind and embarking on a new path in Africa. 

I, then, began mirroring it to my own journey. I will be doing almost the same thing. I am leaving what is familiar for the unfamiliar in the pursuit of something greater. They'll be travelling farther than I and they have a child waiting their arrival in Uganda but at least they have each other which makes it easier. 

I will be boarding that plane alone and that terrifies me. 

I mean, I've boarded planes by myself before. I even travelled to the UK alone. But there's something about knowing that you will be boarding a plane by yourself to move to a place where no one knows you. Sure it's a clean slate where I can literally be whomever I want to be and recreate myself but I won't have the familiarity of friends nor the comforts of knowing that people who love me are in the UK. 

With that being said, I am still determined. I knew this move was going to be emotional and it's going to get worse before it gets better but it's worth it. At the end of it, I'll be able to look back and see how far I've come, enjoy what is going on in the present and look forward towards a bright future. In the meantime, I am going to cleave to the friendships and loved ones I have here and enjoy every moment. 

I'm opening the platform now! If you are already planning for uni in the fall, what type of hurdles are you currently trying to hop over? Just pop a comment down below. 

Also, don't forget to follow me on Twitter and Instagram to stay up to date on what's going on with me! 

Steven

Being Ridiculous

Happy Tuesday!

GAH! Lately I've been feeling so guilty not updating because...well, there's nothing to really update! I've literally spent most of my time waiting for the university to send me information that I can start using towards getting all my ducks in a row. I've been told that will happen in May. It is March.

:sigh:

They did, however, open the application for the international scholarship. I immediately jumped on it only to realise that they need a letter of recommendation from a previous educator. Since I was homeschooled, this might prove to be quite difficult. I did, however, do that one semester of classes at Wake Tech but there was only one class I took on campus and I didn't really drum up a relationship with the teacher. I know what you're saying, "Steven, stop being dumb and ask" but I can't seem to send this email! It's so awkward! It's in part because I don't like asking people for anything. Not out of pride but out of not wanting to inconvenience anyone. I am notorious for getting myself into situations simply because I was too afraid to ask someone for help! It's really bad and it's something I'm working on. 

Speaking of working, I'm currently moving things around so I can properly start focusing more on my fashion blog. Creating content is something I've been having trouble with mostly because I don't really know my readership! I don't receive feedback, therefore I don't know what to write about. It's a problem that I'm hoping will be sorted out fairly soon. 

Well that's it from me. Sorry for the hiatus! I know most of you are still replying to offers and making plans for university and I am wishing you all the absolute best! :)

Steven - @ssharpeminor

Half the Battle

Happy Tuesday! 

Getting into school is half the battle. Paying for school is the rest of the battle. 

I'm the type of person who doesn't like debt. I know that's silly considering that students will inevitably acquire debt but I don't like it. It's something that weighs over your head like a dark cloud and I want no part in it. However, I'm quickly realising how ridiculously difficult it is to find alternative means for funding such as scholarships and grants. 

Part of the trouble is my situation. I am an American student, I've been out of high school for several years and I'm studying in Europe. Many scholarships and grants, at least in the US, are school specific or for people who are completely destitute which I am not. This means I only partially qualify for a vast majority of the scholarships and grants that are available. Another part of the trouble is getting duped from the scams that out there asking for money in exchange for help finding funding that they never intend to offer. 

It's very disheartening.

 I'm trying not to get my hopes up too high to avoid the despair of finding a good scholarship that I don't qualify for. However, if I don't keep my hopes up, I will want to give up and that's not something that I can risk. 

I was reading an article published by River, the student newsletter for Kingston University, and further in the article it talked about how some students were using their bodies for money for school. It disturbed me greatly, to say the least. I had asked, "Why would students feel the need to sell their bodies for tuition?" I kind of understand it now. Looking for funding is difficult and many lose hope and revert to other, less respectful ways to pay for their education. Nevertheless, this should never be an option. 

If you are having trouble finding funding for school, do not lose hope. I'm right there with you and we will get through it even if it means we will acquire debt. We can earn money to pay back debts but earning self-respect is far more difficult. 

I am now opening the floor! Let me know in the comments what you've encountered trying to find funding for university! What works? What didn't work? How are you managing? 

Till next time :)

Steven 

DEADLINE DAY!

Happy Tuesday!!! 

Today is the day for you to send in your application for uni! Please do not put it off any longer and do not feel overwhelmed. 

The first step is hitting that 'ok' button and it's such a relief when you do. 

The journey is just beginning!! 

Just wanted to send that short little message out to you all and hope you are doing well. 

Just as an update with me, I am in Paris! I've been travelling across Europe the past 7 days and it has been lovely. I went and saw Kingston University and I have to say it was the best and worst thing I could have done. Best because I got to see the area and the campus. Worst because I had to leave and pray that everything works out for me to go in September. 

I did feel like a creeper just waltzing on to campus knowing I'm not "officially" a student in the sense that I have identification that I am a Kingston student. Haha! 

Anyways, I'm rambling. I hope you have a fabulous day!!

Steven

Permitting Happiness

Happy Saturday!

Ah! The new year is finally here!

It's so crazy to think that by this time next year, I will be a Kingston student. It's insane. 

I have noticed that this process is far more emotional than I previously imagined. I always knew that I would be sad and have mixed feelings about leaving America but this is so much different than I thought. I know I've probably mentioned this before but it's becoming more and more apparent the more I continue forward.

 I think that's what this blog will focus on primarily: the emotional side of the uni process. Not only is it taxing on the mind with planning and getting things organised but it's taxing on the heart and the emotions. 

I'm going to tackle an issue that I've been thinking through and it's something that I had to come to terms with when I applied. 

When I first made the decision to apply to Kingston, I was so excited. I was nervous but extremely elated. I was finally doing something I always wanted to do. Since I was excited, I felt like I should tell my friends! I mean, they should be happy with me as well right? Well, when it came time to tell my friends, I couldn't bring myself to be happy around them. 

I felt guilty that I was happy about leaving. 

I felt guilty that I was okay with leaving my country. 

For a long time leading up to the day I sent in my application, I was torn between being joyful and guilty. Why should I feel happy about leaving? Why should I feel happy about leaving my friends and family?

When I thought about it, I realised that I had it all wrong. I was not happy about leaving, I was happy that I was following through on an endeavour that I felt was right for my life. 

So my advice to you, dear readers, is if you are feeling happy about applying abroad, permit yourself to feel happy. 

Carefully analyse your feelings and approach them from another perspective. 

This is your life and you should choose to live it as you choose. Other people do things for their lives that you probably wish they hadn't done so why shouldn't you? 

You've already decided that you want to explore another plateau of greatness abroad, so be joyful about it! It may sounds selfish but in all actuality it is! You have to do what you feel is right for you. If someone is not happy about it, assure them that it's okay that they're not happy with it and help them come to terms as much as you can but do not let it sway your decision. Think about the end game, if you have one in mind. Is this worth it? If your answer is yes, then let that spur you on. 

With that I leave you with a question, what has been the hardest part about applying to uni so far? 

Leave your answers in the comments as I would love to be right there with you!

As for me, I prepare to leave for Europe in 3 days!! I can't believe this is happening!! I'll be posting pictures from the trip as soon as I possibly can!

Wish me luck!

Steven S. 

Waiting for the Ride...

This process with Kingston has been so...simple? 

I can't really find the word to describe it...

 I was telling one of my friends that it seems a bit too easy. Am I missing something? I know it's very early in the game to do anything really but it just seems like I'm doing nothing whilst my new life is waiting to be prepared. 

I've likened this time to the moment when you've stepped into your seat on a roller coaster. You strap yourself into the harness and wait for it to move. There's that nervous excitement rumbling in your belly, your hands are shaking, you're smiling but you're also completely out-of-your-mind terrified. You've heard about this ride; it's fast. Very fast. Something you've never experienced before. 

That's where I am right now. Waiting for the ride. 

I know I can't ever fully prepare for my life in England but I know that it will be exciting and something I have never experienced before. 

As far as what I'm doing currently, I am preoccupying my time with preparing my soul for the return of my best friend from Ireland! She's coming back home on the 17th and I couldn't be more excited! Additionally, I am preparing for Christmas which I have done no shopping for...

AND I'm preparing for my first trip to Europe in January!! 

Yes, on the 7th of January I will be hopping on a plane to Dublin to spend time with the same best friend who is coming home in a week. I will be in Europe for 2 weeks during which I will fly to London and visit Kingston! Hopefully I catch a tour or I'll just do my own browsing? Then I fly to Paris simply because I need to. I can't be in Europe and not go to Paris. I mean, honestly...

So that's where I am as of yet. Let me know where you are in your application process! I'm interested to hear what's going on with you! We're all in this together after all. :)

OH! In case you didn't know, this blog is in partnership with UCAS! YAY! If you like my posts, or this blog in general, or my face ;), make sure you vote for me as your blogger of the month! The link is in the upper right hand side. I'll also annotate a link HERE. Thanks! 

Till Next Time...

Steven Sharpe

An Offer!

Oh my goodness I'm still in shock.

When I got the email from UCAS, I happened to be at work...with no access to my compter until later in the day. It was torturous! I kept going over in my head what it could be. I never expected anything to happen till at least March. I remember distinctly that as I was walking up to my house, I decided in my head that even if I didn't get an offer that it wasn't over. I was still going to work as hard as I could to move to England.

I walked into my house, ignored my poor dog, and went straight to my computer to pull up Track.

And there it was.

Kingston University --- Unconditional

So many emotions right in that moment.

I immediately ran to my mother's room to tell her the good news! She screamed and immediately called my dad. Then the tears came. Hahaha!

I sat there crying for a good 20 minutes as my mother shouted her congrats and encouraged me. It was a moment that I will never forget. It was such a relief and I will explain why.

A couple years ago, I applied to a school called Berklee College of Music in Boston, Massachusetts. I wanted to be a musician and Berklee seemed like a very good choice. I also didn't feel like I had the grades to actually apply to a four-year university. So I flew up for the audition and about a month later I received a rejection email. I was crushed as it had been the first school I actually had the courage to apply to and I was rejected.

After a lengthy bout with anger and apathy, I mustered the courage to try again the next year. I flew up for the audition and was rejected again. It was perhaps the worst feeling I had ever felt. My stomach completely sank and a future that I had envisioned for myself vanished right before my eyes.

So this offer from Kingston was a lot more than a place at a uni. This was a sign that I have what it takes to do what I love which just so happens to not be music. Haha! (Although I still play for funsies :)) Oddly enough, when I decided to throw caution to the wind and pursue this, I found nothing but good things.

I hope this is an encouragement to those who are still waiting on an offer from universities. Something will happen and if you are pursuing your passion, it will resonate through everything you touch. You won't be able to help it and people won't have a choice but to see it.

For now, I shall rest and relax a little bit. It's actually too early to really do anything other than research the process as much as possible.

Also, I shall celebrate!!! PARTY TIME! :D

Till Next Time...

Steven S.

The Waiting Game...

To say that waiting is the hardest part is a gross understatement.

It's the worst part.

I am the type of person who likes things to be done fast or in a very prompt manner. If I do things early, I want everything else to follow suit in an early fashion so I feel a sense of security.

With applying to university, this is not the case. Whether or not you apply early or not, you're still going to be left waiting for a response. I'm not saying that you shouldn't apply early but just know that the waiting is wretched.

I'm really trying to not stalk the UCAS Track but it's not going as planned haha! I know I probably won't hear anything from Kingston until well into the new year but with seeing people posting on Twitter about getting offers, my hopes are starting to rise. I have to squash it or else I'm going to freak out.

It's bad enough that every email I get that says 'UCAS' or 'Kingston' I have a miniature heart attack. Honestly. There was one day that I got an email that said something about Kingston and my heart nearly pounced out of my chest! Turns out that it was just an email to invite me to one of the open days they had in the US. All of which are pretty far away from little old North Carolina. Maybe one day they'll have one in NC...but I digress.

In the meantime, whilst I'm passing the time till I get a response from Kingston, I'm working. Not just working for money but working on everything. Of course I have my Starbucks job which is keeping my fairly busy but I'm working on my writing. My fashion blog has been my saving grace as it's keeping my mind preoccupied. That, and it's giving me loads of material to keep on hand. I want to be a fashion journalist so the more I write and the more I write about fashion, the more I will have to show a publication for the chance of an internship.

So this waiting game is a blessing and a curse wrapped together.

Another thing this waiting game is providing me is a chance to actually mentally prepare for the crazy year I have ahead of me because whether or not I get into university, I'm still going to work towards moving to the UK. Whether it's through my job or through an internship or something else, I will live there. It's my dream and I refuse to let anything stop me. :)

So that's my waiting game, how's yours going?? I really want to know. Let me know in the comments. :)

Talk to you soon!

Steven S.