The Final Decision

Hey everyone

This post is a little difficult for me and writing it isn't easy but it needs to be done! We must confront the truth when it is presented and behave accordingly.

I'm going to touch on a few things in this post and it may be a bit long but bear with me!

If you feel like you've read this before, it's probably because you have! This was written originally on my personal blog but to save time and mental stability, I've decided to carry it over and edit things here or there to keep you guys in the know.

I've been writing a lot about my dreams and aspirations; mostly for my own personal sanity but also to help inspire other people to dream bigger. There's one thing that I want to be in this world and that's an inspiration. 

Incredibly, I've gotten story after story from people who have read my blog and caused them to look at the world as an option. This blows me away and I'm honoured that people are reading my words and  are being inspired. I love that some people are seeing that America, while great in its own way and full of opportunity, is not everything. There is a whole world to explore and experience, you just have to refuse to sell yourself short, take the first step and leap. 

However, there is a flipside to everything. There is the success story, the one they write about in books,  and then there is the short end of the stick. I seem to be the poster child for the latter; being the example for the reality of pursuing dreams and aspirations.

With that being said, due to extreme financial difficulty and roadblocks, I will neither be moving to England nor attending Kingston University in the fall. 

Although I've been preparing my heart for this kind of outcome, there aren't many words to describe how completely gutted I am about all this. It's one thing to have never been accepted to university, it's a completely separate matter entirely being accepted to university and being unable to attend. It's no secret that I have an immense desire to attend university and pursue further education so this blow is a very painful one. I'm not closing the door for God to do something ridiculously insane but the current situation is pretty bleak and hurts like a motherfather.

Despite this outcome, I am looking to the positives. This opens my future to something completely different. Like I was telling someone the other day, I can always move to England, it's just a matter of when. I'm young. I have my whole life ahead of me to grow. This is only a minor setback. I said it before I opened what would be my acceptance email, even if this doesn't happen, moving to Europe is still on the table. I'm not giving up; just exploring another avenue. 

Now becomes the question: what next?? I'll be in America a bit longer so I guess I will have to make the best of it. ;)

I'm not sure what the next step looks like but rest assured that I won't be kept down by this setback. Life is too short to wallow in what has passed (or will pass), so I will be considering other options for the fall. 

As for school, I don't really know what that looks like now. As a Christian, I believe that everything a reason and a purpose. Now, I'm not saying that I understand the purpose in everything, I just choose to believe there is purpose. But honestly, I'm not sure if this is God's way of telling me to get an education here in America or not but if He wants me to go to school, He will have to point me in the right direction. I'm at my wits end with this whole thing. The pursuit of higher education should never be this difficult, in my opinion. The roadblocks I have encountered are immense and ridiculous. It's no wonder people are daunted by the idea of pursuing uni.

I would be content studying in America though. My only issue is my utter distaste for the American school system and my desire to not want to study in America. Haha! But if God wants me to go to school here in America, I hope a large portion of patience will be attached to the package...next to a big, fat check...I'm kidding!

Okay, okay I was kidding a little...but you laughed, I know you did.

I will still continue to write (of course), I'll still be working on my style blog and providing excellent life commentary on Twitter & Instagram. Rest assured, I'm not going to let this get me down. :) 

Anyway, thank you guys for your stories, your support and your company in my journey. It is greatly appreciated and I love you all for it. I'm not sure what this means for The Modern Wardrobe, being that I'm still one of the international bloggers for UCAS, but I hope you continue to be in my corner in the future and follow along with me even if it's not here.

In two weeks I'll be 22 and for the first time in a few years, I'm looking forward to seeing what is next for me. Sure I won't be making living arrangements for Kingston but that's still cool...yeah...:ahem:....lol 

Feel free to continue leaving your comments and stories! I will check back here and respond to you guys and help wherever I can. If I find some resources for those still in the uni process, I'll be sure to keep you in the know!

Thanks again for everything! :) 

Steven 

Half the Battle

Happy Tuesday! 

Getting into school is half the battle. Paying for school is the rest of the battle. 

I'm the type of person who doesn't like debt. I know that's silly considering that students will inevitably acquire debt but I don't like it. It's something that weighs over your head like a dark cloud and I want no part in it. However, I'm quickly realising how ridiculously difficult it is to find alternative means for funding such as scholarships and grants. 

Part of the trouble is my situation. I am an American student, I've been out of high school for several years and I'm studying in Europe. Many scholarships and grants, at least in the US, are school specific or for people who are completely destitute which I am not. This means I only partially qualify for a vast majority of the scholarships and grants that are available. Another part of the trouble is getting duped from the scams that out there asking for money in exchange for help finding funding that they never intend to offer. 

It's very disheartening.

 I'm trying not to get my hopes up too high to avoid the despair of finding a good scholarship that I don't qualify for. However, if I don't keep my hopes up, I will want to give up and that's not something that I can risk. 

I was reading an article published by River, the student newsletter for Kingston University, and further in the article it talked about how some students were using their bodies for money for school. It disturbed me greatly, to say the least. I had asked, "Why would students feel the need to sell their bodies for tuition?" I kind of understand it now. Looking for funding is difficult and many lose hope and revert to other, less respectful ways to pay for their education. Nevertheless, this should never be an option. 

If you are having trouble finding funding for school, do not lose hope. I'm right there with you and we will get through it even if it means we will acquire debt. We can earn money to pay back debts but earning self-respect is far more difficult. 

I am now opening the floor! Let me know in the comments what you've encountered trying to find funding for university! What works? What didn't work? How are you managing? 

Till next time :)

Steven